JURY DUTY: Announcements

With all the fuckery going on in this world I feel like I need to vent. So I'm introducing a new post topic called, "Tell it like it is." My first topic: Fooleywangs & Fugly Mofo's.

Fooleywangs: Jermain Jackson has been at the top of my Fooleywang List since I can remember with his shellacked skin and Legoman hair. Not only did he try to get his shine on when Michael died, but his singing at the memorial was reminiscent of a dog getting run over or a cat in heat. And what the hell does he have on in that picture?

Fugly Mofo's: Trick Daddy looks like he's been in an alley somewhere smoking rocks and hair-ron with his sidekick Ugga Booga. These two yuck mouthed negrodians look like the poster children for gingivitis. And what is he doing with that knife? It's amazing what a bar of soap and a shower can do. In the words of Mary J, "Someone please call 9-1-1..."

THE JURY vs The Year 2012

I thought I was the only one sick of hearing about 2012, but apparently I'm not. Not only have they beat this b.s. into peoples brains like crazy but now there's a movie about it. I'm sorry, but this movie looks real wack and unrealistic. I just want to know where they land their single-engine plane since the entire planet collapses. Does it transform into a spaceship and land on the moon? I have a feeling I'll never know --> because I could care less. I'm sure the critics will eat this up because they always approve of shitty movies...

JURY DUTY vs. T-Mobile

Jesus be a new cell phone provider and a bottle of patience. After getting off work Friday morning and realizing my cell phones interweb connection wasn't working I followed through with several hours of troubleshooting. Coming to the conclusion that it was my phone, that I frequently drop, I Naomi Campbell sashayed my ass down to the local T-mobile store and bought a new one. I opted for the new Sidekick LX. (Yeah, I'm almost 30 with a Sidekick - eat me). After purchasing the phone I realized that my innawebs were still not connecting. The customer service zestyman informed me that the Sidekick Server (They use a separate server from the other phones) was down and it MIGHT be fixed by Sunday or Monday. Well, it's Monday and the steam coming out of my ears could boil Ramen Noodles! I will be marching my cunty ass back to T-Mobile tomorrow and returning this phone. I can't...

THE JURY vs. Facebook

My issue isn't so much with Facebook itself, but those that update their statuses with "Good morning" and "Goodnight Facebook fam." Facebook isn't a person and I could care less if your going to sleep or just waking up. Go brush your teeth, wipe the crust out of your eyes, and wash your ass for Christs sake! Facebook is bad enough, but this fuckery is the main reason I refuse to get Twitter. We don't want to know your every move, what you ate last night, if your dropping a rat, or if your crotch rot is flaring up. And to those updating like you have a navigational device attached to your thumbs, keep updating your every whereabouts and you might wind up like this fool. I'm convinced the innawebs were created by Satan...

THE JURY vs. Time

Why haven't I blogged in whoever knows how long?! lol! But I am back and have plenty of material to talk about. So much has changes since I last blogged! Plax is locked up, my G-men are 3-0, me and my zesty romate Earl have a new roomate, Patrick bka"Pigpen" bka "Paul Wall" (which is a post or two within itself), and changes at the plantation. Time is about to expire on my 20's and I'll be reaching my 30's in one month and 24 days. I can't say that I'm mad. I had so much fun in my early 20's that I spent from 25 and up recovering! I can't tell you the amount of fuckery I was involved in during these years! lmao! But not only has my birthday crept up on me, but so has the new year. Did this year not go by fast as hell or is it just me? Shout out to my homie PoCrizzle and the rest of the blogging fam that probably thought I fell off the map...

THE JURY vs. Nadya Suleman (bka Octapu$$Y Lady)

The devil is alive well - working overtime, especially in the mist of the recession. I'm sick & tired of hearing about this crazy broad so I'll just say what I have to say and leave it alone. How can the doctor still have his license? How can this nut bucket cum recepticle even hold her head high after bringing all these children that she can't even afford into the world?!? The nerve. Stop the madness!! I say they rip out her plumbing so that she can't go sneaking around having puppy litters anymore. Yay or nay?!?

JURY DUTY: Fiercest Diva of the Year Award

Goes to NONE OTHER than Andre J! HowYOUdoin?!? Somebody hand me my glowsticks because since the first day shim graced my presence - my life hasn't been the same! I only strive to be as fierce & graceful as shim. Diva Status, chyle! Plus, he/she's a Newark, NJ native which only makes shim even more fierce in my book. Werk, it! Werk it, Andre J!! You'll always be my #1.

JURY DUTY: Donkey of the Year Award

Goes to... Plaxico Burress! He hit donkey status after the shooting hisself in the club. (see previous post) Just the other day, police raided his house and found MORE guns and MORE evidence. How stupid can you be? You had all the time in the world to make moves and you sat still like a duck. For all this he gets THE 2008 Donkey Award. Shout out to last years winner, The Stupid Liquor Store Robber. Pour out a little liquor. You'll be forever in our memories.

THE JURY vs. Plaxico Burress

Sometimes people do something so blaightenly donkified that you just know they wish they had magic dust to make their dumbass disappear. Ever since this season started, Plax has been in rare form. He has gotten fined, suspended, and his ass didn't start due to his T.O. cunty-esque behavior. Shooting hisself in the leg had to be the dumbest shit yet. Not only did the news upset me, but this picture to the left, Christmas Story references and all, killed my soul. "You'll shoot your thigh out!" Bittersweet poetry...

THE JURY vs. OJ Simpson (literally)

Karma is a bitch. Crazy, no? Thirteen days to the year of his aquittal. Damn, OJ. But I'm saying though, he got away with murder. I'm not saying that he actually did it. Maybe he hired someone to do it. Maybe he was even there during the murder. But why couldn't he just sit his ass somewhere and stay out of trouble??? Personally, I think OJ is a dumbass and it just goes to show you... karma will always come back to get you. Even if you get away with murder.